An online novel by Gillette Edmunds

“Come sit down,” Michael said. He finished his drink and poured the rest of the bottle into the glass. He sat on the bed and looked at her.

She didn’t know what to do. She could open the door and walk down the hall to her room and be alone and maybe Michael would never talk to her again. She held on to the door handle.

He was dizzy and he just started talking. “If we make love Barbara,” he said “maybe that will erase Sonya and Charlie from our minds. Maybe it will cleanse us of them. I feel like I want you so strongly and maybe that’s why.”

“I can’t,” Barbara said. She let go of the door handle and slowly walked to the bed and dropped down to a sitting position next to Michael. “I like you too much, Michael,” she said. “I don’t want to do anything like that right now. Sex seems dirty. It makes me think of Chuck. I don’t want to think about Chuck if I’m with you,” she said.

He turned to her and tried to kiss her again on the lips. She kissed him a second and then stood up.

“Please, Michael,” she said. “You haven’t heard anything I’ve said. It doesn’t mean anything to you because you are too drunk.”

He lay out flat on the bed and looked at the plastic neon ceiling light. “No, Barbara. It means everything to me,” he yelled out.

She sat in the desk chair again, leaned over and lifted her jacket off the bed. After putting her jacket on, she crossed her arms over her breasts. Michael had his hands behind his head. They didn’t say anything. Looking gently at Michael, she thought, this is the first time I’ve ever had a right to make love with anyone but Chuck. The first time it is not wrong. But it is sad, she thought, I can’t do anything right now to make myself feel better. I don’t deserve to feel better, to love Michael. How could Chuck sleep with all those women? I can’t sleep with Michael and I want to.