An online novel by Gillette Edmunds

Michael’s body and mind were separate. His mind was strangely distant from the feeling in his body, watching, wondering. He had smoked marijuana several times as a college freshman and completely lost the ability to navigate the Stanford campus. It was like that too. He could not place the room he was in or the bed he was on but he was sure he was not in a dream. All parts of his body tingled; each toe, each finger, his eyelids, his stomach. It centered in the stomach and grew from there and he had no idea what it was. Then he got an idea. Fear. This was fear. Fear had him. He did not know how to escape it. He could only watch, strangely powerless over it. He sensed he was in room 302 but it was all different. He sat up on the bed. He crawled off the bed afraid he would fall, and lay on his stomach on the floor. It had him and he knew it.

On his hands and knees, he rode with it. Waves of fear traveled through his limbs and torso. Through blurred vision he could see that he was not shaking, his arms and legs were not moving, yet inside some violent movement had him. It came back to him how he had waited out a bad marijuana experience, sitting in a corner for hours till it passed. He waited on his hands and knees, for hours or maybe a few minutes.

When it subsided, he stood up. Shaken, he sat on the bed. Time had passed. He did not know how much. He opened the drapes. Brightness flooded the room.

He felt shaky again in the shower. He turned the water off and sat on the edge of the tub. He decided he was clean enough. Breathing heavily, he got out, dried off, and dressed.

Barbara came in. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the wallpaper. She did not notice his condition and he decided to conceal it from her. She had croissants, jam, and coffee for him. He ate at the desk while she showered. It passed.

Around noon, they were coming out of a travel agency on Rue St. Michael and they saw Charles and Sonya across the street walking next to each other, not touching. Charles and Sonya did not see them. Barbara and Michael stopped and really studied them. Sonya was completely relaxed, talking and giggling, a rare state for her, and Charles was smiling carelessly, listening attentively.